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Joke of the Day

"Not sure how coffee got its own table in the living room, but kudos."

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"[Genie] Last wish idiot, impress me. [Me] I want Morgan Freeman to narrate my eulogy [drops dead] [Morgan Freeman] He was an idiot."
"Went to watch a blonde comedian And all she kept doing was bending down and looking at the floor. I guess she was just looking for some laughs."
"I've been eating sunflower seeds and Tweeting for 9 hours. Now I know what my canary feels like."
"HEY GUYS I'M AT NXNE! WHERE THE HELL IS EVERYBODY?"
"Haven't seen the new Star Wars yet... But everybody posting spoilers about how Princess Leia dies Edit: Highest rated post! RIP inbox"
"Why, with twice the population of the United States at the time didn't China invent the airplane first? Well, two Wongs don't make a Wright."
"Do you send e-mails on your home computer? What's the point? I can just bring my home along with me and have a chat."
"Life is all about trying way too hard to look like you're not trying."
"Suggested movie theater prices: Adults - $9.00, Under 12 - $ 6.00, Under 3 - $249.00"