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Joke of the Day

"Infidel. It's where I want to be, thanks to my fetish for Cuban politicians."

"Hyperboles are the most overused thing in the universe."

"I just purchased duct tape at the Dollar Store to fix all of the other shit I bought at the Dollar Store. Life is going exactly as planned."

"A boy was snapping rubber bands on his friends arm He kept doing it in the same spot every second, over and over again until the friend eventually said, ""Ouch, that one Hertz."""

"I bought one of Donald Trump's books on how to run a business ...but for some reason, it just ends at Chapter 11."

"You young couples with your dogs, your trial children, you'll learn nothing about parenting because you can never teach a toddler to ""sit""."

"WAITER:What would you like? ME:What would YOU like? W:Excuse me? M:No one ever asks you, do they? W:*tearing up* No.. they don't. Thank you."

"Me: Do you want to meet your sisters at the bus stop? 5: *doesn't look up* I already know them."

"Where did the mooron take the baby cow to eat? To the calf-ateria!"

"Ned: Boy! Was I ever in hot water last night ! Ed: You were? What did you do ? Ned: I took a bath !"