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Joke of the Day
"My friend Phillip had his Lip removed... so now we just call him Phil."
Next Joke
"I've accepted that my brother is never paying back that money I loaned him... I've lost interest, and I'm just giving up on the principal."
"COP: You seen an escaped evil octopus? ME: No COP: [looks up] Nice chandelier ME: Thanks COP: Why is it wet? ME: Um COP: And holding 8 guns?"
"Hunters should always know what's behind their target Behind mine is a Sam's Club and a Starbucks"
"I have a joke from Germany Just kidding, we have no sense of humor."
"My ear is bleeding because I tried to shave it. Now I have to create some elaborate lie to tell ppl how I cut my ear."
"6 was jealous about other kids getting notes in their lunches, so I put one in his: ""Sorry, I ate your pudding. Love, Dad."""
"I would shave my beard... but it's kind of grown on me."
"After decades of study, scientists finally decode whale song. ""Moo. Moo. Moooooooooo. Moo."""
"Me: A coworker called me 'Papa Hemingway' today. Her: Because of your beard? Me: Well it wasn't because of my Nobel in Literature."