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Joke of the Day

"When someone describes themselves as a ""foodie"" I automatically assume they shit a lot."

"Bernie Sanders again topped in campaign contributions with most of donations being small contributors... Leave it to a fuckin' jew to rob poor plebs of all their money!"

"how many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Two: One to eat my ass. One to suck my dick. I screw in the light bulb..."

"I was thinking about you today... Just wondering where I'm going to hide your body."

"Why doesn't Justin Bieber shop at 'Sporting Goods?' Because he likes Dick's better."

"Please pray for me.. Tomorrow I will be going to the hospital, I think there is something wrong with my eyes. Every time I look in my wallet I see nothing."

"Where does a hedge knight invest his money? In a hedge fund"

"I hate the people who shout ""THIS IS THE POLICE, OPEN THE DOOR YOU CREEP"". Who plays those kind of jokes anymore? You're scaring my wife. She's only 12, jeez."

"Why don't blind people go skydiving? Because it scares the shit out of their dogs."

"The Beach Boys walk into a bar... ""Round?"" ""Round?"" ""Get a round"" ""I get a round?"" ""Get a round...."""