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Joke of the Day

"The best vacation? Close your eyes and throw a dart at a map. Where did it land? Doesn't matter. Just keep your eyes closed and go to sleep."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To avoid North Korea's long range missiles."

"My pet lizard was acting really strange the other day so I took it to the vet. She said it was a reptile dysfunction."

"[911 call] IM GETTING EATEN- *pause* Ok one sec. *holds phone away from mouth* Are you an alligator or a crocodile? *pause* Cool. ITS A CRO-"

"""My eyes are up here"" ~ The last words heard by any guy who checked Medusa out."

"There's two fish in a tank !!!"

"What does Harambe order when he goes to a restaurant? He gets the kids meal."

"How many people does it take to circumcise a Whale? Four Skindivers."

"Anal bleaching; because you never get a second chance to make a first impression."

"Bruce Wayne was terrified of bats & he became Batman, so anyway that's why I became ClownBaboonDentistMan"