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Joke of the Day
"What a gorgeous day to walk around outside staring at my phone."
Next Joke
"Add a word to ruin a movie name: 1- Batman begins...School 2- Charlottes web ... cam 3- the birds...pop 4- Jennifer's body...so hot 5- The cousin's...password"
"me: good morning, Linda Linda, my co-worker who backpacked through Europe: Not as nice as the sunrises you can see looking out from Venice"
"I've never watched CSI because I learned everything I need to know about solving crimes from watching Scooby Doo."
"""I bought some dodgy steroids last week and I grew another penis"" ""Anabolic?"" ""No, just the penis"""
"What is a pirate's favorite class in school? Arrrrrrt class."
"For health reasons, my doctor says I should avoid trans fats I'm gonna miss tumblr"
"My new boyfriend says the cutest things, like ""Who are you?"" and ""Why are you hiding outside my house?"" and ""My wife is calling the police."""
"As a girl: Tinder is like a refrigerator full of food but with nothing I want to eat."
"I can never talk to my Dad at breakfast because he still reads newspapers. I guess you could say he's behind The Times."