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Joke of the Day

"Doctor: You need a new liver and we found a match. Me: When can you operate? *lighting a candle* Doctor: When we find you a new liver."

"What has two feet, two hands, two eyes, and two noses? Two pirates."

"You know what the problem is with dating a white girl with a mixed baby? The kid never spends the weekend at their dad's house. **I'll just see myself out**"

"We're sorry, the number you have dialed... 911 has been changed to a non-published number. Please make a note of it."

"Mom, why is the internet so slow Well, either your brother loads something down or your sister loads something up."

"Leaflet through the door telling me I can enjoy sex at 75. Which is handy, because I live at number 81."

"So a Harley Davidson rolls into a bar and the bartender asks what it'd like. RUM RUM RUM RUM RUM RUM RUM"

"What's your best haiku?"

"I just got a bunch of cool apps and games for my Windows Phone"

"still waiting to see a used car commercial that looks like they cared enough to do more than one take."