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Joke of the Day
"My five year plan? I don't even have a five minute plan."
Next Joke
"Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I'm the proud owner of aisle 7."
"If crime doesn't pay... ... than you're doing it wrong."
"How do you keep an erection? Don't fuck with it"
"A man walks into a bar... His alcohol dependency is tearing his family apart."
"Car next to me in liquor store parking lot has a family sticker. She has SEVEN kids. I better get in there quick! She's gonna buy it all."
"What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? I'll see you next month"
"An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar... ...to watch the Welsh play in the quarter-final"
"My wife gave me the silent treatment for a week... It ended when I told her ""We've been getting along really well lately""."
"Him: ...and I asked you out because you're smart and pret-WHY ARE YOU POKING ME WITH A STICK? Me: To see if you're real or if I'm just high"