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Joke of the Day

"What do you call masturbating on a plane? Hijacking."

"Who is the coolest guy in the Hospital? A. The Ultra Sound guy. Q. Who is the second coolest? A. The Hip replacement dude."

"If I get nervous for a date, I just imagine the guy in his underpants, sitting on my couch for the next 40 years, & suddenly I'm annoyed"

"I had a dream I was a muffler I woke up exhausted."

"Why can't rappers take holidays? They always forget Tupac."

"What's the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw? You can tune a chainsaw."

"I said ""Margarita"" 3 times in the mirror instead of ""Bloody Mary"" and now a ghost mariachi band is forcing me to play maracas for them."

"What do you call sex with a burrito? Getting chipotlaid."

"""Hey, did you hear about the blonde that lost over 85% of her intelligence?"" ""No, actually. How'd it happen?"" ""I dunno, but I hear that it happened at around the same time her husband died."""

"What if lollipops moaned when you licked them?"