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Joke of the Day

"Trick or treat.. Smell my feet, give me something good to eat. If you don't, I don't care, I'll pull down your underwear. And that's why I was arrested, Your Honor."

"The only time my wife will ever scream ""Deeper, deeper!""... Is when they are lowering my casket into the ground."

"What do you call a fish with no mouth? A floppy dildo"

"""I really wish you'd post more 4sq checkins & tumblr links"" -no one on Twitter ever"

"I once had a brush with Death and then a floss and a rinse; no woman wants to get intimate with a dark annihilator of souls with bad teeth."

"My dad said, always leave them wanting more. Ironically, that's how he lost his job in disaster relief."

"""Oh man, that thing looks irritated"" - me, pulling into the airport parking lot and seeing my mother-in-law waiting on the curb"

"Today a feminist asked me 'how I view lesbian relationships?' Apparently in HD wasn't the right answer.."

"How do hobbit flowers grow? Through Frodo-synthesis."

"Did you hear the one about the philosophical dentist? He wanted to transcend dentalism."