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Joke of the Day

"Apostrophes are important. ""I fed the dog"" ""I f'ed the dog"" Learn this simple rule. Your friendship with Sarah McLachlan depends on it."

"My wife reads two books a week and I just told my son that an idiom is a group of idiots."

"Why can't you have Christmas dinner in the EU? Because there is no Turkey"

"ME: [on the phone] Plz come home from work WIFE: Why ME: Theres a spider in the bathroom WIFE: so kill it ME:[whispering] its got my gun"

"My internet goes at 20mb per second... wonder how much faster it goes per first!"

"Miley Cyrus's VMA preformance... Was so classless Karl Marx came in his grave"

"[at the gun store] Me: I'll take that gun & a box of ammo Clerk: that'll be $250 Me [with a gun & a box of ammo]: no"

"Everybody has a friend that is completely different when they're not under female supervision."

"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. ..."

"Why do Jews only read the Old Testament? Because they're too cheap to buy the new! *ba-dum-tss*"