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Joke of the Day

"ME: [on the phone] Plz come home from work WIFE: Why ME: Theres a spider in the bathroom WIFE: so kill it ME:[whispering] its got my gun"

"Starbucks Employees at Starbucks hate me...probably because I never buy anything when I go there just to take a dump."

"Why does Mario hate Punchbug? Because he bruises like-a Peach!"

"Cats are just dogs who've been to drama school."

"Why do melons have traditional marriages? Because they cantaloupe"

"I think I'm going to sell my Theremin.. Haven't touched it in ages."

"What did one Casket say to the other Casket? ""Is that you Coffin?"""

"What do u call a lesbian with 9in fingers? Well hung."

"Me: Mmm...I love your milky white skin. Him: Ma'am are you registered for this class? Me: Yes Him: Step away from the CPR doll and sit down."

"What type of wind is named after a young deer? Foehn"