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Joke of the Day

"if i had a dollar for every time i had sex i'd be homeless"

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"Dating me is like a walk in the park - Jurassic Park."
"There is so much dust on that drawer that if you sneeze on it mattress will fall out."
"got removed from r/showerthoughts but... Helen Keller really only knew a hand-full of words..."
"My late wife was abducted by a troupe of travelling Mime artists. The police informed me, they did... Unspeakable things to her."
"If someone gossips to you, you can bet they also gossip about you..."
"Why are there no cats in Germany? Because they have nein lives."
"Funny one liner: My dick is so big that my girlfriend use it as a selfie stick My dick is so big that my girlfriend use it as a selfie stick"
"[meeting] BOSS: We need a name that gives us a good ad slogan ME: Perhapselline? MY NEMESIS GARY: Maybelline? B: You're incredible, Gary"
"Where does the Emperor keep all his past dead Sith's gear for display? The Sithsonian."