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Joke of the Day

"A lot of kids these days don't even want to be sailors... ...but it's just so easy to give in to ""pier"" pressure."

"I made fun of a lady swaddling her dog in a blanket and she overheard and turns out it wasn't a dog it was her baby hey have a great Monday."

"Birdwatching by Jack Daw"

"*Skrillex' mother puts her ear to his bedroom door* *She hears constant bass drops* *Dad walks up* ""Sounds like he's Wubbing one out.."""

"[sprains my ankle] Doc: does it hurt when you put pressure on it? Me: Let me check Me: [to ankle] c'mon dude try it, it's only one cigarette"

"This barbecue must be amazing. Everything is at steak."

"i found out how to kill vegetarian vampires a steak to the heart"

"Adolf Hitler has been judged very harshly by history however.. he did kill Hitler. NB: stolen from Jimmy Carr"

"GF taking me on a surprise V-Day getaway. At least I think. Not sure what the lime and shovel in the trunk with me are for though."

"You might think the cock and balls are similar. But there's a vas deferens between them."