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Joke of the Day

"What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, you already told her twice. I know this is an old one but i didn't see on here so why not."

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"I NEVER WORE EARPLUGS TO CONCERTS WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL AND I TURNED OUT FINE!"
"I don't know what's longer: a microwave minute or a treadmill minute..."
"What did the pot-head name his son? Bud."
"What key opens a banana? A monkey. What key opens a carrot? A donkey."
"I used to be in a band called ""Frequent Urination"". You might have heard of us. We had several number ones."
"Why did barbie never get pregnant? Because Ken always came in another box."
"My favorite band I don't normally say I have a favorite band, but if someone held a gun up to my head, I'd probably say The Killers."
"Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: No idea. I pretty much just zone out whenever I'm behind the wheel. Did anyone die?"
"""Do you think I reference dinosaurs too much when I write?"" I asked. She was silent, like the p in pterodactyl, but it said everything."