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Joke of the Day

"If you accidentally get stuck holding the door for a bunch of people. 1. Relax 2. Accept your fate 3. You are part of the building now"

"What was James Bond after he slept through an earthquake? Shaken, not stirred."

"They say if you choose a job you love, you'll never work a day in your life. I have to work tomorrow."

"A frog goes into a bank... Only to *robbit*."

"Patient: Doctor you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress I keep losing my temper with people. Doctor: Tell me about your problem. Patient: I just did didn't I you stupid fool!!"

"The jury found me guilty. I asked the judge what the punishment would be, and he said: ""Well..."" Suspended sentence"

"A clean house is the sign of a broken computer."

"A movie theater was robbed of $150 worth of candy The thieves took 2 bags of M n' Ms and a small soda"

"I don't believe in reincarnation but damn my dog looks like he's trying to crank over a motorcycle while he's sleeping."

"I have sex almost every day. Today I almost had sex, yesterday I almost had sex..."