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Joke of the Day

"My life coach just asked me leave because apparently she has ""other pedicures to do"" and doesn't ""speak English""."

"Your mom.. has one arm, one leg, one titty, one eye, and one finger. They call her ""Uno"". Ironically enough, she also works at Ihop..."

"I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch."

"I once called my teacher mom I was home schooled"

"I like my slaves how I like my coffee Free"

"My computer was singing hello.. Its a Dell."

"I told him I like a big vocabulary and now he won't stop using 72pt font."

"I've watched three episodes of ""I Shouldn't Be Alive"" tonight, adding ""outdoor enthusiast and survival expert"" to my online dating profile."

"Girls aren't friends with other girls. They are just future enemies."

"In my experience, cross-eyed employees are the best deterrent against shoplifting. You just can't be positive that they're not watching."