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Joke of the Day

"A man sees a blonde across the river. Man: How do I get to the other side? Blonde: You are on the other side."

"What's your New Year's resolution? Mines is still 1920x1080, unfortunately."

"What do you call a nut that eats other nuts? A pecan-nibal! Made this up at work while hungry."

"My date said he wasn't looking for anything serious like I was trying to help him solve cold case files and shit."

"One of my biggest fear is being chased by Usain Bolt during zombie apocalypse."

"How do you keep Trump busy for the rest of his term? Tell him his twitter phone is in the corner of his office."

"What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic? Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog."

"Why couldn't the bike stand up on its own? It was two-tired. *Slaps knee* *Prosthetic leg falls off*"

"Did you guys hear about the dyslexic man who went to the toga party? They wouldn't let him in because he showed up dressed as a goat."

"Narcos + Sushi thought for the day: How have I never come across a roll called the ""Pablo Escolar""? That is all. You may laugh now."