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Joke of the Day

"How do you keep Trump busy for the rest of his term? Tell him his twitter phone is in the corner of his office."

"[OC] Got approved for a 15 year 3.25% Mortgage loan 4.20 was too high for a 30 year ....... sorry I'll see myself out."

"What do you call a pig with three eyes ? Piiig"

"Guns don't kill people. Wars and famine and disease and random accidents kill people. Also, sometimes guns. Have a good day!"

"*breaks out of prison *hunted by police for weeks *crawls thru 22 miles of mud to your house* Me: <taps on your window> DID YOU GET MY TEXT?"

"Cannibals don't drink coffee. They have a cup of Joe instead."

"You know it's love when you let her commit to your source tree without reviewing her code."

"So, so very handsome If sex between three people is a threesome. And sex between two people is a twosome. Then...I guess I know why everybody calls me handsome."

"Face tattoos are a great way to let people know that you don't owe on any student loans."

"Life is beautiful but I prefer boobs"