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Joke of the Day

"I love you dude, but im not ""In Prison"" with you."

"I bought a new dog yesterday. I've named him Rolex.......he's a watchdog"

"PRO TIP: Stall your execution by asking if the lethal injection chemicals are gluten-free."

"A man walked into a bar... ... and he stayed there my entire fucking childhood."

"I'm not saying she was stupid, but I asked her how to spell Mississippi and she said 'the river or the state?'"

"What's green with little red wheels? Grass. I was lying about the little red wheels. Missing my grandpa today. This was always his favorite."

"Today's World : You Keep your friends close, your enemies closer and your relatives as far away as possible"

"The longest relationship I've had is with my first vibrator. We were together 7 years. Off and on."

"A child asks his dad... Child: ""Dad, how high is that building?"" Building: ""If I'm already built, why am I called a building?"" Dad: ""Pretty damn high."""

"""Could you not joke about tragedies?"" my friend once said to me. Studies show that 9 out of 11 people find these kind of jokes to be offensive."