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Joke of the Day

"Drugs are a crazy thing What did jerry Garcia say to Bob weir when they ran out of drugs? Man this music sucks!"

"I think my friend is a vampire I stabbed him in the heart with a wooden stake and he died"

"Any crime sounds better if you add the word ""silly"" to it: ""silly murder,"" ""silly rape,"" etc."

"Please tell me the grounds around mental hospitals have walking trails called psychopaths running through them."

"The Civil War wasn't about slavery . . . . . . it was about ethics in journalism."

"Me: I'm into fitness Trainer: not again M: fitness whole pizza in my mouth T: you should go M: this isn't going to ""workout"" T: LEAVE NOW"

"So maybe downloading the ruler app to measure the snow wasn't such a great idea"

"I wish I could be like my cable company's customer service line and make people press 37 different numbers before they can talk to me."

"Fred: Thank you so much for lending me that money. I shall be everlastingly in your debt. Harry: That's what I'm afraid of!"

"We should probably stop all the 'Leo never won an Oscar' jokes... ...it's now irrevenant."