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Joke of the Day

"Fred: Thank you so much for lending me that money. I shall be everlastingly in your debt. Harry: That's what I'm afraid of!"

"What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? Wiped his butt."

"Has anyone heard of the movie 'Constipation'? No because it hasn't come out yet. Huehuehuehuehue"

"Met a cute guy at the bar, gave him my number and told him to text me when he got home I guess he's homeless."

"Jury: Twelve men and women trying to decide which party has the best lawyer. Justice: A decision in your favor."

"Security: Animals aren't allowed in this art gallery, sir. Me: It's my guide dog. Dog: Picasso, born 25/10/1881, was a Spanish painter..."

"Being calm is not something I rate."

"Serial Killer... The police have caught a serial killer with a really bad stammer. They said it'll be a while before he finishes his sentence."

"If a transvestite goes missing... Should we put their picture on a carton of half and half?"

"I loved Star Trek Into Darkness, but I have to admit the movie did have its pros and Khans"