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Joke of the Day
"I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon. -Emo Philips"
Next Joke
"Someone told me they were getting colored contacts, and I said ""aren't all their eyes just brown?"" that was a complete misunderstanding."
"Nobody's phone is ever off. They're lying."
"I killed a squirrel once with a car. Twice with a tennis racket."
"My father was a nun... Whenever he was in court and the occupation was called for, he would say ""nun."""
"You can call John Lennon a genius all you want, but the simple fact is he married Yoko Ono. Thats a big strike against the genius part."
"ME: My New Year's resolution is to eat less WIFE: Good! ME: (very, very quietly) ...vegetables."
"What's better than watching a woman wrestle? Seeing her box."
"Friend: You thinking what I'm thinking? Me: It's bullshit there weren't schools from other continents in the Triwizard Tournament? F: ...."
"This sub Reddit is like rain on a mountain We don't know where it's going but it's going downhill fucking fast"