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Joke of the Day

"Whats red, white, and hangs from a telephone pole? A dead baby shot out of a snowblower."

"[Ancient Egypt job centre] - Name? ""Ankhesenamun"" - How do you spell that? ""Reed comb water Ankh, bendy straw water shitting priest"""

"One time I asked, ""What would Jesus do?"". That's the same day I almost drowned."

"Q: Why do ya reckon Blonds don't have elevator jobs? A: Cos they've no idea of the route."

"I've been having a bad feeling lately.. I think one of my dads might be gay."

"i've decided to start a new healthier lifestyle. I'm adding cranberry juice to my morning Vodka."

"Imagine if our butt crack was horizontal There would be a clapping sound everytime we go up the stairs"

"I remember the first time I had sex, I put the condom on the wrong way round. The girl looked and me and said, ""You're so stupid"" I said, ""What?"" ""You're supposed to do that before sex."" she replied."

"If the tongue is a muscle I want your pussy to be my gym"

"ME: OMG I CAN'T BREATHE I ATE WAY TOO MUCH CALL A DOCTOR HER: do you want dessert? ME: ok, but just a small slice."