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Joke of the Day
"I had reconstructive bone surgery It wasn't Humerus"
Next Joke
"We got two inches of snow last night and now I can't find my Smart Car."
"[at hairstylist] Make me look like I'm running really fast."
"I have too much stuff in my closet, so no one can be certain Tom Cruise isn't hanging out in there, too."
"Why did the antelope go to her sisters house? She wanted to see her nephewlope"
"My girlfriend has terrible eyesight... she's always accidentally sleeping with other guys. Poor girl."
"I wish celebrities would let us know if they have the greatest fans in the world."
"My son came home from school in tears. ""My girlfriend slept with my best friend,"" he said. I said, ""That's very flattering, I never knew I was your best friend."""
"""I missed you so much!"" I shout as I run past my wife's open arms and jump into my bed."
"What I say: Play outside. What my kid hears: Find a spot in the yard where I can't see you so I constantly imagine you've been kidnapped."