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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend asked me to give her 12 inches and make it hurt... So I fucked her twice and slapped her"

"I'm just gonna put an egg under my kid's pillows and tell them the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy must've went out drinking the night before."

"What did the mexican-american say when two houses landed on him? Get off me holmes!"

"Diet day 1 I have removed all the bad food from the house. It was delicious."

"A cannibal in the jungle passed his brother. Think about that."

"Daddy is the government going to keep us safe from terrorists? No son, they're busy protecting us from drugs and home made clocks."

"My thumb keeps attacking my pinky... I've got a civil war on my hands!"

"There is no snooze button on a dog that wants to go out for a piss."

"Why don't they teach sex ed and drivers ed at the same time in Mexico? Because it's too hard on the donkey."

"You'd think the people in front of me at this self-checkout were trying to operate a nuclear reactor"