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Joke of the Day

"I let people know that I'm no weirdo. I say ""I'm no weirdo!"" From that point forward, it's just a matter of keeping my mouth off their pets."

"Are those against upgrading to OSX Yosemite... Anti-Yosemites?"

"[Oldie but goodie] The three stages of a married couple's sex life Tri weekly, try weekly and try weakly."

"What does a Spanish speaking ghost say when they like you? Mi Ghosta!!"

"Why did Ally refuse to do her homework, when all she had left was to square the x and y axis? Cause Allies don't like axis powers"

"For hire: Unemployed dwarf No job; too small"

"A grasshopper walks into a bar The bartender says to the grasshopper ""You know, we have a drink named after you."" To which the grasshopper responds ""You have a drink named Pete?"""

"I'm starting a career by putting bombs in prayer mats I think prophets will go through the roof"

"[spending entire date hiding the fact I'm really a beaver] ""ow"" what's wrong? ""I got a splinter"" may I see? ""I guess so"" delicious ""pardon?"""

"Flirtation tip: glue a dead wasp to your hand before the date, then snatch at the air beside her head and show her the wasp. Say ""close one"""