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Joke of the Day

"I hope one day to be dating a moderator from /r/jokes... Everything is long from their point of view!!"

"Everyone's dad turns down the radio when he misses a turn or gets lost like it was Tom Petty's fault or something."

"*Sniffs* ""Spring in the air!"" ""Why should I?"" *ba dum tss*"

"Happy 420 to me, Happy 420 to me, Its not 4/20 anymore, But fuck it, Its 420 to me!"

"I've been on a diet for a month and I've lost exactly 4 weeks."

"Did you hear about the feminist picnic? Yeah, apparently it got cancelled, no one wanted to make the sandwiches."

"There was an unbelievably close finish in this years ""Shemale of the year"" contest. It was a Thai."

"Nothing fcuks up your Friday like realizing it's only Thursday!"

"doctor: you know how to measure your bowel movements me: yeah of course doctor: you weigh yourself before and after me: [15 Sec pause] yeah"

"4: I'M GONNA RIP YOUR EYEBALLS OUT Me: Stop yelling violent things 4: *whispers* I'm gonna rip your eyeballs out"