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Joke of the Day

"""Bro she's a cold digger"" [later with gf] Do you only want me for my germs? [she stops licking my face] Why would you ask that?"

"The worst thing about Muhammad Ali sending a ""Tweet"" to Mayweather . . . Ali couldn't type it and Mayweather couldn't read it."

"I know there's something wrong with my braille book... but I can't quite put my finger on it."

"What do you call a singing laptop? A Dell"

"My ten year old son just asked me what were the 80's like. So I turned the Wi-Fi off and took away his smart phone."

"AKA What's another word for Italian cologne? Garlic"

"Why are ships' portholes round? So that if they break, water doesn't hit you square in the face."

"They say everyone is unique... Isn't that a bit of a generalization?"

"You breed dogs? Don't they do that on their own?"

"""Give me your Vitamin Water and your organic gluten-free cookies unless there's peanuts in them because I'm allergic."" - 2012 school bully"