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Joke of the Day

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, WOW! that one REALLY looked female."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? Friend 1: Why did the chicken cross the road? Friend 2: To get to the idiot's house. Friend 1: Knock knock Friend 2: Who's there? Friend 1: The chicken"

"Hey there Delilah what's it like in New York City guess they don't have cell towers there so you didn't get my texts I'm going to kill you b"

"Jesus at the Last Supper. Jesus: *breaks bread* - This is my body! *holds a glass of wine* - This is my blood. *starts to open a jar of mayo* Judas: Sorry Jesus, I will have to stop you there."

"The best part about twitter is that it is completely satisfying on a deep emotional level and in no way makes me feel empty inside."

"Trump interrupted Hilary Clinton up to 51 times in the first debate: Even grammer nazis interrupted fewer."

"My son, who is 10, just explained that the things he did when he was 7 no longer reflect the person that he is now. I need a drink."

"the only dates i get Are the system software updates to my xbox. Play station. PC. Phone..."

"A red dot walks into a bar. Period."

"I think the implication that you might want to share your Kit Kat with 3 friends seems unreasonable."