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Joke of the Day

"Hey there Delilah what's it like in New York City guess they don't have cell towers there so you didn't get my texts I'm going to kill you b"

"I knew joining a gym was a bad idea when I got there and needed help pulling the door open."

"What's the chilliest ground in the premiership? Cold Trafford!"

"Ordering a cake over the phone ""And what would you like the cake to say?"" [covers phone to ask wife] ""Honey, do we want a talking cake?"""

"What does Santa listen to while delivering presents? sleigh-er"

"People with guns, asking for your money... ...You've got to hand it to them."

"Two guys who vape walk into a bar I only know because they're naked on the bar blowing their vapes up each others' assholes right now."

"I'm guessing I'm not married because I'd take a bullet for a grilled cheese before I'd take one for a girl."

"What do you get when you mix up literature and alcohol? Tequila mockingbird Or Ernest Hemingway"

"What do all Pedophiles have in common They're all Fucking Immature Ass-holes"