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Joke of the Day

"People that say ""we're not even white, we're pink"" obviously haven't seen the parts of me that have never been in sunlight."

"What was Arnold Schwarzenegger's answer when asked which historical person he would like to play in a movie? I'll be Bach."

"Why should you never run behind a bus? You will get exhausted."

"Just made jerk off motions at a group of construction guys. They just stood there staring at each other like ""now what?""...all talk eh boys?"

"Blackjack is a lot like my love life. I always hit on 16"

"I hate when weather reporters talk shit on snow...Like why are u even in the weather biz if ur not down w/ snow"

"I don't know why people use odorless deodorant It makes no scents!"

"I'd like two tickets, please. - Is it for The Hobbit? - No, she's my girlfriend."

"People are like trees, they'll fall down if you hit them multiple times with an axe."

"HER: [she puts her hand down my pants] mm what do we have in here ME: [sweatin because thats where I keep my chicken mcnugget stash] nothin"