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Joke of the Day

"Three tomatoes are walking down the street... A papa tomato, a mama tomato, and a baby tomato. The baby tomato starts falling behind so the papa tomato squishes him and says, Ketchup!"

"People used to be much smaller. WWII people were a foot shorter. Medieval people were basically hobbits. Jesus was the size of a cat."

"My boss asked me to fix the plug on his lamp... I simply refused."

"What do you get when you cross The Atlantic with The Titanic? About halfway."

"What did Gordon Ramsay say to Hitler? Oh my god put them back in the damn ovens! They're so under-cooked they're writing fucking diaries!"

"Why didn't the fisherman go to Florida to fish for long jawed fish with rows of razor like teeth? He didn't have a Gar"

"My relationship status is a Taylor Swift song just waiting to happen."

"I'm not drunk. I'm a gravity inspector... ...and everything seems to be in order here. *falls down/passes out*"

"So I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley She said ""Tenpin?"" I said, ""No, it's a permanent job."" - Tim Vine, King of the one liners."

"Want to hear a joke? Your government is competent and uses your tax dollars efficiently."