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Joke of the Day

"12yo son forgot his electric toothbrush -- so now he has to MOVE HIS ARM to brush his teeth. His protest was legendary."

"Why can't Jesus eat pizza? Because he doesn't exist."

"As you take another breath, someone takes their last. Stop complaining; appreciate life."

"I've got my first Gamblers Anonymous meeting tomorrow."

"How do you gently wake up a sleeping baby? Don't preheat the oven when you bake it."

"What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo? A Hippo is heavy and a Zippo is a little lighter."

"Waiter: Is Pepsi ok? Pepsi: I'm fine."

"What is Joan of Arc's least favorite food? Steak"

"The sequel to Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory is just a series of horrified people finding parts of missing kids in their chocolate bars"

"What do mathmeticians do when they are constipated? Work it out with a pencil"