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Joke of the Day
"What is a polygon ? A dead parrot !"
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"A black person is walking down the street carrying a 4K TV I thought, 'that looks like mine!'. But then I remembered, my black person is at home doing laundry"
"you gotta hand to short people. Because they can't reach it."
"It's important to set goals. You don't have to accomplish them or anything like that. Just set them."
"Facebook features three types of women: hot, Photoshopped hot, and a dog for a profile pic."
"2 first names I don't trust people with 2 first names: Paul Ryan, Larry David, Martin Lawrence, Saddam Hussein http://www.twitter.com/HireMeImFunny"
"Asking me for advice is like asking broccoli to fix your bicycle."
"i tried to share a hilarious pun with my kids but they had turned on dadblock plus"
"What do you call a bus filled with white people? A twinkie."
"I keep getting bills from the Memory Erasing Clinic but I've never been there"