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Joke of the Day

"Operator: 911 Me: My wife is going into labor, what do I do? O: Relax sir, is this her first born? Me: No, this is her husband."

"Did you hear about the actress who stabbed her husband at dinner? That blonde girl Reese.... Not Witherspoon, with her knife."

"Whenever my neighbor looks like they want to speak to me. I collapse to the ground motionless as if I were one of Andy's toys."

"i'm supposed to train the intern to do what i do every day, but i'm not sure how comfortable i am giving him my twitter & facebook passwords"

"What's the difference between jelly and jam? Jelly is made with the juice of the fruit."

"What`s the difference between chinese people and racism? Racism has many faces"

"According to the D.A.R.E website, Marijuana is no longer a gateway drug... Guess that means I tried all those other drugs willingly."

"Two cows are grazing in a field. One cow says ""Hey, did you hear about the Mad Cow Disease? It's spreading pretty fast."" The other cow says ""Yeah. Good thing I'm a helicopter."""

"How do you define a farmer? Someone that's outstanding in their field."

"[Trying to impress a girl on a date] Me: ""Not to brag but I'm getting Windows 10 for free."""