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Joke of the Day

"I was just unfollowed by a guy with 10,349 tweets & 38 followers...I'm thinking that's the same guy at the park that talks to all the pigeons"

"Lemonade Stand At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote."

"How does an alien get back to his home planet? ayy lmao"

"Punishment Not talking to your husband to punish him is like trying to kill a fish by drowning!"

"Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 explodes."

"[Commercial for axes] [A lumberjack swinging a dead goat against a tree in the woods] *Turns to camera* ""There has to be a better way?"""

"I'm not all that interested in Astronomy but, I really dig Uranus."

"I'm sick of people blaming the Internet when someone gets killed. Watch the History Channel. Hitler didn't find the Jews on craigslist."

"What's got 40 balls and fucks ducks? A 12 Gauge Shotgun"

"States are like butts No one likes the flat ones."