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Joke of the Day

"[prison riot] *standing over my origami ducks* ""GO AROUND! GO AROUND!"""

"What did the man say when he got a big phone bill? ""Who said talk is cheap?"""

"Carrot Top's hair should be green. Either that, or I don't understand the anatomy of a carrot as fully as I think I do."

"Could Jesus make a nerd so nerdy that even he couldn't resist giving him a wedgie?"

"How do you surprise Helen Keller? Leave a plunger in the toilet."

"Hillary Clinton has been frequenting a new restaurant, reports say. I guess the main appeal of it is her own private server."

"I opened a window to let a fly out... and three more flew in, along with five mosquitoes, three ladybugs, a bird, and a Jehovah's Witness."

"Only when a mosquito lands on your balls do you realize That violence is not always the option"

"Commitment doesn't mean sticking to one person forever, it means keeping a relationship with someone even though you have lots of options."

"What kind of doctor deals with pussies? A whinecologist."