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Joke of the Day

"How do you surprise Helen Keller? Leave a plunger in the toilet."

"What's the difference between Trump and a pile of poop? A pile of poop is naturally brown."

"My birth control is my 5yo running around in circles at 5am screaming ""I have so much energy! I have so much energy! I have so much energy!"""

"What do you call a turtle who sleeps during the day and is awake at night? Nocturtle"

"Why were people angry wen the chiken crossed the rd? Cus he looked one way, then another way after."

"A joke I wrote in the style of Mitch Hedberg... I'm gonna change my name to 'marriage,' man. That way, all those girls out there can be saving themselves for *me*!"

"Hi Officer I was pulled over one day and the officer looked at me ask asked ""How high are you?"" I laughed and said ""No officer, you said it wrong, it's Hi how are you"""

"Can a hippo be a hypocrite. Would the elephants call him hippocrite. Then he can call them elecunts."

"It's easy to be with my family because we have so much in common. Like, we all love to look at our phones!!"

"in a kindergarten class, there is a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. which one do you date? the blonde. she's 18."