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Joke of the Day

"What are the advantages to living in Switzerland? Their flag is a big plus."

"Now that the new bills have Harriet Tubman on them... if you put one on a television does that make it a tele-tubbie?"

"you become your ""real you"" when you are hunched over eating a burrito on the toilet and you look up and see yourself in the mirror"

"What do you call someone who thinks Vikings are the best? a Norsissist."

"Lost my watch at a party... Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl. ^not ^^on ^^^my ^^^^watch."

"No beer or Snacks?!? WORST. PARTY. EVER. Family: uh...this is an Intervention Me: LAME, look, Grandmas so bored she's crying"

"The difference between my ""Maine lobster"" and my ""main lobster"" is boiling water or a high five."

"If you don't do stupid things while you're young, you'll have nothing to smile about when you're old."

"Interviewer: ""Your resume says you have a bad memory."" Me: ""I said that?"""

"Did you guys hear about the fire at the circus? It was in tents."