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Joke of the Day

"Lost my watch at a party... Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl. ^not ^^on ^^^my ^^^^watch."

"I told a girl she would look better with her hair back and she got really offended. Chemo patients are so sensitive."

"When you walk through the valley of the shadow of death, it means you've been using Apple Maps."

"Mars: ""hello."" Me: ""Is your water running."" Mars: ""yes."" Me: ""WELL YOU BETTER GO CATCH IT!"""

"No, I'm not addicted to taking batteries out of clocks. I can stop at any time I want."

"Putting a carrot next to you in bed can almost fill the space where Megan used to slep"

"Why did Bibi Netanyahu lie on a couch licking his balls? Likud."

"What is the theme song for the KKK? We gon be all white"

"What's the difference between a rooster and your mom? A rooster says, ""cockadoodledoo"". Your mom says, ""anycockwilldoo""."

"A piece of toast and an egg walk in to a bar.... The bartender goes, ""Hey! Woah! Nuh uh. We don't service breakfast here!"""