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Joke of the Day

"Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary? It runs in your jeans."

"My boyfriend just texted me, ""We need to talk."" I think he's going to propose!"

"don't worry, if there's a third world war, the United States won't be involved because it's a first world country"

"The baby spit up on my Xbox so I had to get rid of it... I'm gonna miss that baby..."

"If I ever got stranded on an island, I could totally use the glare that bounces off the whiteness of my legs to signal for help."

"Did you hear about the terrorist on the talent show!? apparently he blew the judges away!"

"Jokes you used to tell as a kid Knock knock Who's there? Interrupting cow Interrupting c- MOOOOOOO"

"I'm going to change my name to Benny Fitz...so when people add me on Facebook, it will say;..You are now friends with Benny Fitz."

"At marathons I like to put glitter in cups so when participants grab one and throw it in their face they get a party instead of hydration"

"Why is it that the winner of the Miss Universe contest always comes from earth?"