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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler! ^^^... ^^^I ^^^know, ^^^I ^^^know, ^^^/r/dadjokes ^^^is ^^^thataway"

"What did the chemist say when he caught his brother stealing halogens? Bro, mine"

"[throwing a party] I invited Judas. That okay? ""Judas from IT, or the guy who betrayed Jesu-"" *loud knock* ""It's the Roman legion. Open up!"""

"I patented the time machine But the judge keeps throwing it out based on prior art"

"Two aquatic mammals just broke up. They wanted to sea otter people."

"""The princess dies. And then the people trying to save her die. Dragon guarding the castle? Dead"" - Bedtime at George R.R. Martin's house"

"My English professor had a colonoscopy... Turns out he had colon cancer so he had to have surgery to remove the tumor. Now he has a semi-colon."

"if you have a favorite tetris block that isn't the 4x1 long piece, you're a fucking contrarian idiot asshole and i hate you"

"Two mens are under a tent Two men are under a tent when one of them ask the second one: -Are you masturbating? -Yes why? -Then can you use your penis instead of mine?"

"Sure, white people can't say the ""N word"" but. atleast we can say phrases like, ""Thanks for the warning, Officer"" and, ""Hey, Dad."""