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Joke of the Day

"ME: Too much turkey makes me so tired HER: Actually, it makes you sleepy, not tired ME: I'm getting real sleepy of your shit, Debra"

"A carpenter's workshop's light went out To find his way around, he picked up his hammer and saw."

"Last time I used my phone was to call someone upstairs in my house b/c getting up is hard & I'm not trying to win the Olympics."

"What was Jeremy Clarkson on during Top Gear? SPEEEED!"

"Blonde and a Redhead A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, ""I slept with a Brazilian...."" The blonde replies, ""Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"""

"At first I wondered.. How on earth does Hillary Clinton sleep at night? Then I realised - First she *lies* on one side, then she *lies* on the other."

"I got tired jogging in front of the car So I ran behind it, but soon became exhausted."

"Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? They're making headlines everywhere!"

"If someone from New Jersey bites you, are you from New Jersey?"

"Guy at the gym tried selling me fake steroids... Bro, do you even grift?"