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Joke of the Day

"What was Jeremy Clarkson on during Top Gear? SPEEEED!"

"*genie appears* I wish I was rich! GRANTED! YOU USED TO BE RICH ok!wait what? FOR YOUR SECOND WISH, CONSIDER HAVING PAID ATTENTION IN CLASS"

"Studies find if a woman has a glass of wine a day increases the chances of a stroke. If you let her have more she might suck it too."

"I wish I hadn't bought so much Encyclopedia Britannica stock in 1999."

"Got in a car wreck while reading a church sign today... ...the Son was in my eyes."

"If i had a pound for every 'Brexit' joke on here... I'd still only have about 5 cents."

"Why was the mother flea so unhappy? All her children had gone to the dogs."

"""This is not working out."" -My trainer, watching me work out"

"If I had a dollar for every gender.... I'd have two dollars."

"I went to see a palm reader. ""Judging by your palms,"" he said, ""I can tell that you masturbate frequently."" ""Sorry,"" I apologised, ""I should probably wipe that off."""