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Joke of the Day

"I walked past an electronics store once... I saw a TV for sale in the window. The sticker said, ""TV for sale, volume stuck on full, $1"" I thought to myself, ""Wow. I can't turn that down."""

"Greenpeace have come up with a new name for shrimp hunting, claiming it's the same as mass murder. They're calling it columbrine"

"After two divorces, I think I've found the key to a successful marriage. Don't marry a c*nt."

"Did you really get a crocodile tattooed around your belly button? -IT'S AN ALLIGATOR KAREN. GOD YOU'RE SUCH AN IDIOT."

"[on a 1st date] Me: I'm just looking to take things slow Her: *in a wedding dress* me too"

"i just realized there are more toes in the world than people"

"Thank you for showing me your Facebook wedding album. Now if you have time, here is a slideshow of my top 36 scores in Mario Kart"

"At least you'll be able to watch Jeremy Clarkson on Dave for the next 12 years."

"What is the difference between a priest and a pedophile? A pedophile does not get tax exemptions for raping young boys."

"Girls love shoes... so if she throws one at you, you know she's really pissed off."