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Joke of the Day
"*Magneto flapping his wrist frantically, trying to shake loose a fork stuck to his hand*"
Next Joke
"Wife texts husband on a cold winters morning: ""Windows frozen."" Husband texts back: ""Pour some lukewarm water over it."" Wife texts back 5 mins later: ""Computer completely fucked now."""
"What is Shia Labeouf's favourite genre of music? Jazz Duets."
"What does the mafia and a girls pussy have in common? One slip of the tongue and you're in shit!"
"I often go to fancy dress parties dressed as a shark.... Quite honestly, the novelty is wearing a little fin"
"Why are women like magazines? They have a lot of issues"
"Take a deep breath. Exhale slowly. - Respirational Tweet"
"What do Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton have in common? Their goldman sacks"
"Why are urologists selfish? Because they're all about number one"
"My wife gained more than 100 pounds during pregnancy, so I started walking 5 miles every day to encourage her. It's been three months and now I'm over 300 miles away from home."