60394

Joke of the Day

"You know what's funny? An unexpected shift in context."

"What's the difference between an old bus stop and a crab with breast implants? One is a Crusty Bus Station and the other is a Busty Crustacean"

"I went to a zoo that only had a dog... It was a shih tzu."

"I would explain it to you again, but I am fresh out of puppets and crayons."

"What do a three paragraph term paper and a 5'2"" Mexican have in common? They're both short essays."

"Twitter: your jokes suck Instagram: your face sucks Snapchat: your life sucks Facebook: your family misses you and is also racist"

"And the Lord said unto John, '.... come forth and ye shall receive eternal life.' But John came fifth and won a toaster."

"I really hate working late. My ride turns into a pumpkin and I always end up losing a shoe."

"In Maryland we can't legally carry concealed weapons so our best defense against being murdered is the zig-zag runaway."

"Helpful advice for travellers: If you are going to get on a commercial flight take a bomb with you. BECAUSE: What are the odds of TWO guys being on the SAME PLANE at the SAME TIME with a bomb?"