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Joke of the Day

"What do a three paragraph term paper and a 5'2"" Mexican have in common? They're both short essays."

"Hey, people who leave the volume on an odd, non divisible by 5 number, how do you live with yourselves?!"

"TIL: To never trust a fart."

"What did the hobo get for Christmas? Nothing."

"How do you confuse a heterosexual person? Eleven"

"I used the toilet just after my wife and noticed that her shit really does smell of roses. Hardly surprising. She's polished off four tins of the fuckers in the last two days"

"How do I know when your sister's on her period..... Your dad's dick taste like blood"

"*robs neighbor's chicken coop* *serves poached eggs*"

"Q: What was the real purpose of Bill's college visit to Moscow? A: To study economics."

"Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming"