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Joke of the Day

"In Maryland we can't legally carry concealed weapons so our best defense against being murdered is the zig-zag runaway."

"There should be an MtF superhero group. They would be the Ex-Men."

"How many letters can you wear on your feet? 10 E's"

"[i wake up confused] KIDNAPPER: youll never guess where we are! ME: [observing floor tile pattern] this is a Dennys bathroom KIDNAPPER: shit"

"What country most despises cars that run on gasoline? Mad-at-gas-cars!"

"I went to a zoo the other day, all they had was a dog... It was a shihtzu. Thanks to Drinking Buddy from Fallout 4 for this knee-slapper."

"At the rate I'm throwing shit out as I pack to move there's a strong possibility not all the kids will make it to the new house"

"I won't say she's a cunt, but she has a certain je ne sais twat."

"I pulled up next to a Tesla at a stoplight and asked him to rev the engine... I was shocked when he actually did it."

"What material is Mario's pants made out of? Denim denim denim."